poem to relieve nausea?

-by Natalie Goldberg, intro in Banana Rose

If we have no soul
Something aches in us anyway
Heaves our breath
Pumps our blood

Sun thrown across tree tops
Do you see New Mexico?

Wind storms crack across it
Days break against it
I hurt for dry dirt
Big sky
Bell in a tower
Sage across the eye

Burnt land
Old sand carcass
Your rosebuds are hardening
Your leaves turning
My heart burning

no more slices

there will be
no more
slices of matrimony

it's something that
should be served whole
those pieces of strawberries
the cream
the cake
that seems to come
from something whole

it has to be whole.

we can't share a piece of that.

matrimony is an unknown game
of chance when it comes
to the future

love itself
can lead to sobbing
that can't be placed
on a phone
or on a person
who cannot hear it
or receive it

matrimony
cannot be served
by the slice

in a cafe
with the man you love
with your whole being

so much that the tears
when he is gone
when he cannot do it
when he says it was a mistake
if it led you here

matrimony cannot be served
by the slice
it cannot be called
delicious
it cannot be savored
for an hour
followed by
a beautiful kiss
a false promise
and an end
and an end
and an end
and an end

in grief
we hope to come
to some new place

we hope that upon
finding ourselves
in tears
we will
someday
find ourselves
again.

sometimes
we are supposed
to pretend
that we are alive
when we want to be dead

sometimes we are supposed
to pretend that it was
just an ending

like a death
but
when they are alive
and we are in love
what then?

some kind of compassion
for another's
compassion
that leads
to our what?

it is pain.
it is suffering.
it the loss of
the slice
of the whole thing
of the house
of the kiss
of the word
of the sound of the voice
of the body we love
of any moment
of any future
of any car
of any frog
of any
of any
of any
of any

matrimony
cannot be served by the slice

it can be ended
by divorce
but not tonight

what about the soul?
what if we're the only ones
who feel it?
what if we are the only one?
what if we are the one who has
to walk alone?

find the tent?
find a place to be free
to be whole
to find a word
called recover
take cover
take cover
from the storm
of your heart
take cover
from me.....

if only that were true
if we could take cover
together

how will i take cover
from the you in me?