cultivating presence

just returned from yoga with thomas, where we worked on cultivating presence. i'd forgotten how amazing he is. such a gentle, cool, warm man with such grace. a perfect father, brother, and friend. i met a woman named effe from greece. at first we exchanged what do you do's... not as easy to say exactly who are you, how are you with her... but stuff like that develops... the foundations we start with are always interesting...

had coffee with liz... she was into the matrix, the net cast by god, string theory... i was too inside to go all the way cosmic... had to been worrying about my drunken interactions and overly eager neighbors... it's now put to rest by many positive interactions.

kelly and i are moving slowly in friendship. foundations for fresh beginnings abound. cultivating a present, peaceful interior to see more clearly and fully inhabit without.

grateful

today was a day worthy of much gratitude.

went to tataya's yoga again... while my soul is deepened, and i get in greater touch with my source through my practice with liz, it's really nice to be so challenged with tataya. it's great to be among a group of younger people being challenged to our physical limits in a way we enjoy. it's not always fun being head of the class... got to have people (besides the teacher) who push me... june will be a test month of my yoga journey. i'll stay at five willows and will continue going to tataya and thomas' studio to see where my journey will take me... will be a great fitness summer as i prepare for motherhood and amy's party... also, so good for my balance.

met with my old, dear friend kelly today. was really nice to see her. our paths may be crossing further with phd's in english, the program that first brought us together. while i wasn't sure where our meeting would take us, i'm glad that it showed us how we've both grown. i feel happy in her happiness and thriving. it's good to hear the people in her life are doing well and growing, too. she is an inspiration in many ways. good to connect with people i love. more coffee, bike riding, and books could await us.

last night got to connect with jen! she's here from france for her grandmother's funeral. while the circumstances are sad, it's been so good to see her beyond facebook and gmail. it's good to see how well her life is going in france with claude. seems like a rich life. i'm happy for her, though it's odd (and good for her) that she'll probably be staying there.

and then of course zulaika and i are enjoying each other while she's here! went to see her after kelly and had a grand time letting loose with her. it's really good to feel comfortable and safe with a person. even though she's probably moving to san francisco. we've been good supporters and stabilizers and inspirations for one another! i know we will always be connected. will see her in august if she goes... will be a great chance to see cindy, amy, and the rest of the gang, too!

off to eat and romantic comedize with clint!

friday morning grace

Tips of fingers sing
temples awake, deeper
inside,ylang-ylang melts
shoulders, spine, in
pools of flesh, floor

Beads of scented pillow
cool all vision black
cocooned in temple
body enshrined,
flowing open toward
ungated exchange

Thunder roars bliss
deeper, still, gray
peace in slow vibration
clouds, full above,
within, we are soothed,
soothers in still grace.


-Heather Hunter Berg,
May 23, 2008, 11:30am, after yoga with Tataya

trips

i saw today that american airlines has tickets available in august for clint and i to go to puerto rico. because we've never really taken a real trip together anywhere, and because we're thinking about having a baby in the near future, and because clint hasn't been on a lot of vacations, i kind of want us to go. i'd be willing to take on some debt for it and use my tax refund... but, it's the same month as amy's party, which i also really want to go on. this is all providing a nice distraction from grading papers, which i need to get to... i like having something to look forward to... but i'm realizing that i need to quit being so spoiled about things... i really feel like i should/want to go to amy's party... and i also feel that a trip would be good for clint and i. i'd like to have both, and i wish i could use all the free tickets i have, but that doesn't seem to be in the cards. it would be hard to pay for both trips. we'll see what clint thinks... i want him to be happy. i need to put more emphasis on that. so that's what i'm doing...

Review of Loving Frank

If you have time to read contemporary bestsellers, Loving Frank by Nancy Horan, is a new Random House Book Club selection and is available at Target. It is a piece of historical fiction, (and it's GOOD) about Mamah Borthwick Cheney who met Frank Lloyd Wright in Oak Park, Illinois, when he designed a house for Mamah and her husband. Frank and Mamah ended up falling in love and left their families to be with each other in the early 1900's. They were both inspired, educated, artistic people... Mamah had received a Master's degree in library science from the University of Michigan and was fluent in at least 4 languages. In many ways, she felt liberated by her relationship with Frank, despite the intense fall-out. They were expatriates in Europe for awhile. There, Mamah read and then met a Swedish feminist philosopher whose writings Mamah became a translator of because she felt that the feminist's ideas were important for the suffrage movement in the US.


Much of the story is set in southwest Wisconsin where Wright built Taliesin for he and Mamah. They made their home where Wright's family was from, despite the intense media scandal that followed their relationship. Wright was a descendant of Unitarians who had fled religious persecution in Wales. His philosophy of life, art, and nature was influenced by his Unitarian background, and the historical novel can be beautifully rhapsodic about the inspiration he drew from the prairie landscape.

speaking back to those too scared to sustain connection or commitment

sometimes, i get a little irritated with today's young and immature. this ranges from middle schoolers who act disrespectful, to high schoolers who act like dickheads, to even some people who should know better nearing their 30's. we need to treat other humans with respect. i feel like i'm understanding better adults' perspectives toward adolescents (and the immature). some people think they are so smart and go and doubt/criticize everyone who's really trying to love and contribute in this world while they just criticize and think they're cool, while they're doing nothing for human connection. they think their disconnection is an art rather than working toward connecting and promoting human survival and health, like the rest of us. they can keep their "art" and be miserable, but they don't need to poison love and its attempts with their post-modern/post-human angst. and sometimes it's my place to tell them so, even if only in deletable cyber-world. maybe i should let karma act on its own. but sometimes these "cool guys" interrupt my efforts at creating and sharing love and learning in the world, ie in a class where i teach or with a person who i love. so i share my feelings, and i walk away. i'm not arguing. i'm not warring. but i am honest. i'm not saying "cool guys" are bad, but they can really get away from the core of being human, thinking they're too cool to commit and connect. get with it. enough of the boys who "sit in the back" of the class while the rest of us are trying to learn and love and keep this show on the road.

wash and dry i-pod

discovered sadly this morning that i had accidentally washed and dried my i-pod. now i've read up on the phenomenon on the internet. should that happen to you, DO NOT TRY TO TURN IN ON... there's a possibility it will recover, but you don't want it to short circuit... put it on a warm spot (not too hot) to dry it out for a couple of days. then try plugging it in. some people say their i-pods recovered. somebody also said something about dipping in it in rubbing alcohol. that sounds absurd to me. i'll ask someone who understands technology more than i do about that.

it's a beautiful day in nebraska. yay for spring.

in flow

i'm eating two burritos right now because i listened to a craving.

i promised this would be something more liteary, but right now, i just need to write. i stayed up until 3am researching and planning my creative writing classes/development and learned that as of the 2003-2004 mla data, people with phds in creative writing are getting hired. it's still not a very common path, and only 50/742 phd's conferred in english that year were for creative writing.

i've been getting papers graded like a mad-dash woman today. the teaching thing can still feel like a marathon that wants every second of my life, but i just tell it no and try to keep up/adjust as i can while maintaining my own flow. we're going to be reading and writing some cool stuff tonight.

my children's series idea is still strong, and i'm looking forward to getting together with maya to create/talk etc. i had my people interaction today walking kyla around the park multiple times as middle school was getting out, and the kids all love her. they all say she looks like a wolf. i have to bite my tongue not to blurt out that she's 1/4 wolf. her grandma's lineage is supposed to be a secret since it's illegal... of course that information is much safer here on the internet.

an example of what's forthcoming

rather than diary, i plan to post more in-the-moment freewrites such as this one which i wrote back when i first started this blog (originally appeared here, below) :)

garlic winter night

the smell of garlic frying on the stove. clint in a red, plaid flannel tending a healthy meal. kyla sleeping peacefully on a green-leafed rug. clint says she smells like dog. i don't notice.

two nights away from the shortest day, and i am thankful for the time indoors. also for some sun today to melt the ice. i don't feel like such a weather-martyr when the sun has finally come out. these are the same cycles i've always known -- four seasons, a break at christmas, back to school, and then summer. we get two mondays off no teaching in january! two of my students are proud and have gone out of their way to tell me they share a birthday with martin luther king, jr. when i told vilma that's aldin's birthday, too, she knew, even though he's in another class!

i've made my home here because my family's here, and they are always an hour away. i've made my home here because i get letters like katie's. i've made my home here because there is a unitarian church down the street. and even though a family like mine is unusual in nebraska, with international christmas celebrations and no strong ties to christianity but to humanity, it is a place known for the salt of the earth. lincoln is in the salt valley. when i meet people from nebraska living in other places, there is still something in them i recognize. for the most part, we all grew up with christmas lights on the house and christmas trees inside to help get us through the winter. it's a place where people are comforted and more at ease when a new football coach is hired during a bad season. while i can't relate with that, i'm glad such a thing can bring them comfort. and i'm glad to be able to escape to a mexican restaurant over lunch with a friend and be speaking another language, not even having to deal with the thoughts that come to my head in my own but able to revert back in a second. kind of like living an hour away from my family in a college town . .. there may be a few more visible opportunities for worldliness here, but then home is only a code-switch away, up the interstate. only closed, icy interstates can keep us apart, and even then we call and say i want you to go down that aisle to graduation because you know i'd be there if i could.

and for those of us not so close to our families, we know our friends care like family. and this stuff is not just here. but it is here, too. and it is all the little strings amongst our hearts tied together that make us able to bear the cold, feel stronger for doing it, and warm our hearts seeing that this is the true weather for for my furriest friend, kyla.

if you read below

you will see that i used this blog as a bit of a diary for awhile... a useful function for me but probably not the most interesting reading for you. in addition to personal updates and musings, soon i plan to post recent freewrites... anyways, this is a free forum, we'll see what happens, but gentle reader, i assure you more focus is forthcoming.

i'm back

i've recovered from the temporary loss of my front tooth, and i'm back to being fully inspired. i've been hanging out with natalie goldberg (via her book) and grading papers all weekend, and now i'm reading the blog of joy castro and being reminded that there are cool, progressive, literary voice out there, and i'm one of them. she is a new professor at unl, and she embodies everything that i was passionate about during my master's program: truth, women's experience, healing, and being critical of what's been established and open to what's coming up in the best of ways... wow, i'm excited. i've got my novel/memoir idea ready to write this summer, i'm going to the nebraska writer's conference, and i'm ready to roll... i've also bought art supplies and children's books to work on the children's book idea i have, but that has to be tabled in comparison to the 40-50 pages of novel i need to generate this summer to polish in a fiction writing in the spring to apply to the phd program.

yes, that's a whole bunch of planning (what's new?) also in exciting news, i'm going to amy's birthday bash in august and seeing her and all kinds of friends i haven't seen in two years, and that, like our trip to punxatawney, is truly worth writing about.