soother

the soothers of the day have been jack johnson, cindy, and clint.

i should give a daily shout-out to my soothers. wow.

thanks, jack, for sticking by my side. so this is what it is to be single. you feel (i do) everything a lot more. or maybe that's just where i am right now. which is i need time. time is my friend right now, as unpredictable as it is. indeed. someone hand me a horoscope. i think i'm starting to write some interesting things. maybe i will turn this into a novel, amy. for my dissertation in creative writing. oh, yeah, i forgot, i was really going to write novels for a living, whatever it took. i should still do that. i think i'm in a better position to do that than to have a baby. you're supposed to know for sure who is going to be the man in your life before you have a baby, right? you're supposed to know what the hell you're going to do before you have a baby. figuring out what you're going to do, what it's going to take, that's more important than having the baby. pass the contraception everyone. not that i actually need it myself. but really, we all should be taking our time. i mean, we're 30 (some of us), and we're still learning about our sign, just beginning to recognize the attributes of other signs, experiment with those guys and their signs a little. there are still all of these uber-compatible signs we haven't even met you. but, how are we going to meet them? are we going to stick around small towns where met we love can't make up their minds or can't, well, they can't what they can't. maybe they just can't. and maybe we just can't. but i don't think it's that. usually. i guess compatibility/possibility is complicated for us all. i mean what do we expect? do we expect that we will expect the same things, want the same things, be able to get what we need out of life from the same place, even if we do want each other. what about meeting each others' needs? if that happens, maybe we wouldn't even care about the place where we are. is it possible to meet another person's needs? obviously, not all of them. but, wow, mean, if someone can meet needs in us that we've never had them met before, doesn't that make us a new person? if these are pretty crucial needs to be met, then don't we owe it to ourselves to try to grow with this person who meets these new needs for us? i mean, especially if they are needs that we can't so easily just do for ourself. like, i can take guitar lessons. but i can't live with and love two men at the same time. if i were going to do something so huge, it would be with one man, living with him and loving him. i would want to dedicate myself, especially if this were someone i really wanted to love. if i really wanted to love someone, and i knew that i could, i don't see why i'd stop at anything for that. i mean, if i really wanted to love them. maybe i would be afraid to. it is so weird to act on fear, though, i think, rather than need. aren't we more alive and healthier if we are acting on need and love rather than fear and guilt? i think we should be able to sort such a calculus. this should definitely be within our abilities to act on behalf of ourselves and others, to achieve the greatest love, to help others achieve the greatest love, that we can during the short time that we're here on earth to share it. how do we want to share it? what do we need? what can we accomplish in a certain? who can we dream with and mean it? who can we dream with and appreciate it? accomplish it? savor it? what do we want to savor? what do we need to savor? what are our greatest needs? how long will it take us to figure this out?