restless energy

my grandma dorothy, my dad's mom, had restless energy at night sometimes. she would get up in the middle of the night and bake chocolate chip cookies. i don't have the ingredients, i actually hardly ever cook, and i don't want to wake clint as he works tomorrow. today is sunday (now technically monday morning). zulaika left for san francisco last sunday. i was fine sunday night. monday i was kind of bummed and things. tuesday i was sad. wednesday i saw penny and was happy. that night i saw carl and was happy, and that's when i began not being able to sleep. i had 45 ounces of coffee with carl, which i shouldn't have done, but it was so fun talking (after not seeing each other in months), that i wanted it to keep going. we ended up having food at village inn until about 1. i didn't sleep wednesday night. i went to yoga at 9am on thursday. then i slept for a couple of hours. clint was home and encouraged me to sleep. then i saw john thursday at 1:30. i don't think i slept that night... eventually i remember i got six hours of sleep. friday was great. saturday (yesterday) i think i was tired and slept. tonight i am restless again.

back to grandma dorothy, the genetic link to a lot of my own mysteries... grandma was from western iowa. her parents were from mt. vernon. she and my granddad raised my dad and janice in belmond, iowa. my grandma was a very strong woman. during the depression, she led a detassling crew, and no one could believe how strong of a leader she was. i know she held some other jobs. she was also known for her steel-trap memory and always arguing with my granddad about whose memory was better. my dad says that he and his mother were competitive. they were both outgoing and to an extent driven. my grandma played basketball in high school and i guess was good. well, the story goes that she got a lot of press in the newspaper for her basketball playing skills, but my granddad would always be sure to add "you know who wrote the articles?" so my brother tom realized she was a writer. when we were cleaning out their hosue in belmond i found a scrapbook with poetry she'd cut out. she had a very deep soul, it seemed. i guess who doesn't? but she was also an artist. she painted later in her life, and she also made craftsy kinds of things. she was also addicted to garage sales, which annoyed me as a kid because it seemed like she only gave me second-hand junk. now i can appreciate that, and i can appreciate that they were savers. those tendencies are much harder to come by today. my granddad was a creator, too. he built furniture and grandfather clocks when he wasn't working for the telephone company or driving a school bus or doing whatever work he could find to do. he was going to go to buena vista college or something like that. but then he got a job working in a mouse-trap factory or something like that. unfortunately, those memories are fading. i need to ask my dad. he remembers everything. we also have some cassettes of everyone talking. my dad comes from an interesting family with little dysfunction really. some people have thought my dad was dysfunctional because he is so driven and competitive, and he left his first wife for my mom. he's also a pretty selfish person, i guess. some philosophers would say all of that is okay. my dad has had a lot of interests in his life and has explored them to great depth.

and i can't sleep. if i had scissors (have no idea where i put them) i would cut up these anthropologie catalogs for a creative project of a gift i'm considering making. i can't buy those beautiful clothes, but i'd like to make something pretty with their pictures. i guess i could read, but i hardly feel like reading these days. i can go look for joseph campbell. i've got to start exercising a lot during the days so i'm not so restless like this at night. time will tell.