in love

i think i have been in love with several people: brad, clint, amy, kelly, and zulaika. cindy and i were also very close. with the girls, it seems odd that i say in love. but i mean completely emotionally committed to... amy, brad, and clint have all been my emotional centers at times in my life.

when i lived in oakland, i moved there with amy, nancy, and monique. amy and monique were best friends from high school, but when we moved to oakland amy was my best friend (in addition to brad). i say all of this because i am examining the changing nature of emotional centers. i think it's interesting. i think the changing nature of "in love" is curious. i wonder if it's equally variable in friendships as it is in romantic relationships, if new people or new combinations of people in both scenarios can be disruptive to the primacy.

i am also wondering why people choose relationships. i think we want to be in a relationship with whoever most understands us and can help us be our best self. that's the nature of seeking growth. it doesn't have to be one person, but it can be. in the most ideal scenario, the person with whom we are in love romantically is also connected to the rest of the people we love, and people are growing in the same directions, ultimately sharing the most.