sometimes what i write/think IS complete BS, but that's OK

today seemed to give some clarity. i spent half of it consumed by 3 inches of hair. i went for a trim, and she gave me layers and took the liberty of removing 3 inches of hair in places i didn't want it removed. i was attached to that hair more than it was attached to me. i'd never had long hair before. earlier today i felt that i never would again, or at least not soon enough. it's like i'd saved money for 6 months, only it was just strands of protein, some with split ends. it took me so long to get over it. i'd look in the mirror and each time have to shout when i noticed what a bad job she'd done. i slept on it and was still mad in the morning. i called the salon and told them she'd really messed up my hair. they set me up with katie to fix it. katie can't do much to give me my hair back. but she can take some off in a couple places to make it more even. i still wasn't satisfied. i wrote the manager a letter about teaching tessa better communication. about what just a trim, evening up, means. i suggested tessa have her customers write things down, and she reads what they write, and then she writes what she did. i now admit to having been obsessed but at the time felt like i couldn't help it. i called the manager, and she called me back. i learned i could get my money back. i made an appointment with someone more able.

i had an appointment with fritz, the pastor at the unitarian church. i couldn't believe how much of my day i'd spent mad and told him about this, wondering if this was indicative of my spiritual evolution. he listened. he realized this was where i was at. we talked about cornell. he went there. we talked about his twenties and mine. we both went to law school and a whole bunch of school and experiences and didn't know what we were supposed to do. he feels his life worked out. when i left, i felt mine would, too. he suggested i go to some conversation circles to have good conversations and get to know people in the church. i thought i would. i thought i would like to have his job. i thought i would like to go to divinity school. i'm learning about myself. i wouldn't always choose to be this way.

then i went to yoga, but i was late, so i had to go to pilates. at first i was disappointed until she finally challenged me and made some parts hurt. then i felt challenged by something outside of myself for the first time in the day, and my happiness raised incredibly. i went to the salon and said katie would fix it, i didn't need my money back. i felt very good and righteous about that decision. i felt like i had really saved someone's day. isn't this all odd?

then i went to teach at scc. i was very humbled and kind of funny. i shared some humor. i hoped they would still see me as a professional and not write that i'm crazy on my evaluation. i tried to make grammar fun and social. i hope they learned something. i know a lot about prepositions and grammar, and i'd like to learn how to share this. i tried to tell them that errors are not important, just a distraction to a reader. just like zits and bad haircuts are not really important but can be a distraction.

now i have so many papers to read and grade. i can do it. i will. i'll enjoy it. it will take a lot of time. but it will be a challenge. i'll get to demonstrate some expertise. tomorrow i'll sub in french. it will be a challenge. but probably what i'll need. then i'll go to yoga. then come home and hang out with clint. i am amazed by how much i need to be engaged and challenged. and i need to provide this for students in good doses.

driving to scc i heard about a study that finds that homework basically has no value. we are stressing kids out unnecessarily. i don't know if i completely agree. i think students learn from reading and writing. i wish i didn't have to require so much of my students, but i do. i try not to invent bs. but they have to write 4 essays, and they really do improve with revision.

it is so bitterly cold here. i want to say i hate it. i'm sure i'd miss the seasons if i lived in phoenix. but maybe not as much as i think. i really like to be able to go outside and not hate it. but i like being forced to stay in a bit, too. i think i might prefer a warmer climate. but here i am. there, i said it. it's the truth. i hope i have a child who appreciate snow someday, and then it will all be worth it. at least i have a dog who appreciates snow. some days that makes it worth it.