realizations

having relationships really takes a lot of time. as a social person for the most part, i like this. but the more depth you want, the more time the relationship takes. today i was IMing with a friend about important stuff when another friend who i hadn't talked to in forever IM'ed with big, good news when another friend who i don't talk to enough IM'ed with sad news. and then i realize sometimes we're actually too connected. this doesn't bother me much as i prefer it to loneliness for the most part, but i learned that while we want a lot of love, there really are limits.

and then while i was heating up some veggie buffalo wings (hope they taste good!) i was realizing maybe this is why we have stars. wouldn't we all like to be each others' friends? but we simply don't have time. so the stars are sort of like the friends we all escape with in common. everyone (well, mostly) likes hugh grant. not only does he bring in a lot of money for his producers, but he also acts as an archetype to connect us. but what about hugh grant himself? sometimes i think it's funny how so many people can feel connected to a star when there's no way that star can feel connected to us other than to say thanks for watching.

which led me to think about fame. a lot of us would probably like to be famous. or so we think. but that would also be a pain in the ass. at least, i started to feel pained by three people IMing me at once. i don't think i'd like to get a lot of publicity. i like to have time to read and watch movies and correspond with a few people.

creativity is good, and we don't just want to be consumers of others' creativity, but then i think that's not possible. of course we're all creators of our own lives. some lives are probably more passively constructed than others, but is that true? we all make decisions, which lead to the construction of our lives. some people may listen to britney spears and others may discover that their best friend is a great singer, but still . . . so it comes down to: do you create yourself? that can be taken a couple different ways . . . what i'm wondering about is the temptation/necessity of putting creation/art above relationship. of course they have to co-exist. and i think we all have varying levels of need for relationship. as for the art/creation, i think we benefit in creating. but there is also loss. the loss that comes with feeling rejected or not recognized enough. which is odd when meanwhile, people spurn relationship with people who love them only to get recognition for their art, but what is art if not connected to life? one person thinking too much?

thinking is good, but i'm reading the power of now, and though it was a book and written, it is about not thinking so much. off to practice that and eat veggie buffalo wings and catch up on things i really ought to do.